Reaching Your Goals

During a class session, the teacher asked us a question, “How are certain people able to overcome their negative surroundings and become successful?” This discussion came up in our Drug Education class while discussing ways to prevent drug use by young children. After the discussion, I began to think about the ways that I was able to stay away from drugs and the best way to portray that message to everyone. As it turns out, the best way to stay away from any negative factors in life would be by keeping yourself occupied with other factors that will bring a sense of purpose to your life. In order to stay occupied by these factors, you have to find out what you want to accomplish in life and work towards it. There should be a main (ultimate) goal that you would like to accomplish once your life is over; and then other (periodical) goals that will assist you in attaining the main goal. I have created a list which I believe you should try in order to better organize your goals and make sure that they all are attained. I personally will begin my path towards these goals by following this list RELIGIOUSLY. I welcome your feedback and any additions that you may have to optimize this list and make it even more successful. Just remember, there is no magic formula to becoming successful in life but there are certain steps that you can follow in order to get close to it. These steps include a positive attitude, belief in yourself, living in the present moment (not worrying about the future or past), and following your dreams and believing that anything is possible. Now, let us get to the list:

Find out what your Ultimate Goal is in life; or, find out what your purpose in life is.

As I spoke about in a previous post, you have to find out what your true purpose/ultimate goal in life is. Everyone has a little voice within them that gives them certain clues pertaining to the essence of their life. Most of the times we either ignore it, fear it, or pass it off as crap because we don’t fully believe in our ability to do what we were put on this Earth to do. It is safe to say that during these tough economic times many people are more worried about their financial constraints and do not take the time to look deep inside and find their true purpose. I understand that it is difficult but you seriously have to do this because you will never succeed in life living through your feelings. Once you find your true purpose/ultimate goal, you can work on setting the goals to get there.

Do your research.

Depending on your goal, you have to do a significant amount of research in order to make sure you accomplish it. Unfortunately, there are many individuals who will try there hardest to knock you down and ensure that you do not succeed. For example, if your ultimate goal in life is to open a successful bookstore, you have to do plenty of research (location, demographic, etc.) in order to get the store up and running. A city official might try to stop you from getting started, but will not succeed if you have all the research and information to defend you. Any type of research will ensure that you have a defense when you present your goal to higher authorities.

Use all available resources to attain your goal.

You have to understand one thing in life, “Everything happens for a reason.” Every person you meet, every piece of knowledge you gain, or every piece of property you earn has been given to you for you to use it. What I mean by this is that everything, person, or information you gain is placed in your path, by a higher source, in order for you to achieve your true purpose/main goal in life. You have to understand it and respect it. For example, if someone brings negativity in your life in order to slow you down, you have to understand that they were placed there for a reason and not get overly upset or angry with the person or situation. This will help you respect the situation and move on towards your main goal without steering off track. Once you understand this concept, you will use (not in a bad way) every person, thing, or information to your advantage in order to be successful in your purpose.

Don’t get ahead of yourself.

This will help you stay in the present moment. You have to understand that you cannot worry about the future outcome because there is no future. The future is the present moment; therefore there is no time but the present. Every step that you take is a step closer to your main goal. What this means is that every step is a goal within itself and if you do not pay attention to each step, you will never achieve your main goal. The best way to prevent this from happening is by creating periodic goals in order to stay focused on achieving the steps to get to the main goal.

Do not let anything hold you down.

There are many people who never find their true purpose in life because they give up too fast or they let other people pull them down. The reason that many individuals give up is because they do not believe in themselves. The best way to become successful in life is by believing in you. There is no other way to say this because there is no other individual that can make you understand this. Also, like I stated in a previous step, you have to ignore all of the negativity around you when other people are involved and are trying to make you give up. Finally, you have to understand that anything in this world is possible as long as you give your full effort and stay driven to achieve your purpose in life. Nothing can hold you away from it and any assumptions that you have should not get in your way. For example, you might be accustomed to the “fact” that you will never be a success in life because of some negative factors in your life (bad community, single parent house, etc.); if you believe that this is a “fact” then you will never succeed; but if you truly believe that anything is possible, then you will understand that you can succeed at anything in life. This will make you see life in a different perspective and ensure that you understand the true fact that nothing in life is set in stone.

Just remember that YOUR life was not molded into a particular shape or pattern that MUST be followed. You have the power to mold or shape your life in whatever way you see fit. Your goals can be reached by following these powerful steps and by knowing that you have the power to do it. It is as the Pharaoh once stated, “So shall it be written, so shall it be done;” the only difference is that YOU will write it and YOU will do it, no one else! Remember that and leave your comments and insight to the topic because WE motivate each other. Like always, I am always just a “Send Message” click away if you need me. Live life to its fullest, one day at a time!

Let Go of the Past

“It's been so long that I haven't seen your face. I'm tryin to be strong but the strength I have is washin away!” –Right Now, Akon

Are you living life in the present moment? Are you enjoying every moment as it comes to you? Are you sure? Or are you trying to be happy throughout life but feel that something is always holding you down or pulling you back? If you do feel stuck there is one main reason for this, you have not let go of the past. You are not truly living every moment as it comes to you because you are worried, angry, or in pain due to something that happened to you a few minutes, months, or years ago. You are not living the present day because every day is not the present day for you, it is the past. Sounds weird? Well think about it this way: Three years ago, someone came along and hurt your feelings. Today (the present day), you wake up angry because you heard the person’s name the night before. Now you walk around the entire day angry and upset with every single person that you come in contact with in the present day. You carry everyone into your past situation because you bring it with you everywhere you go. Therefore, you do not get to enjoy all of the conversations, relationships, friendships, etc. that you have in the present day. You will never make any positive connections in the present day because you are stuck in the negative connections of the past.

Have you ever sat down and made an analysis of your life? I challenge you to do so! Do you want to be happy? Do you want to stop feeling anger, pain, resentment, betrayal? I have to solution for you and you don’t have to pay or do anything intensive to participate. Take time out of your busy day and work on the following experience. Grab a paper and writing utensil and sit down in a quiet, comfortable environment. Separate the page into four columns: Situation/Relationship, Is it Affecting Me, Goal/Amount of Time to Get Rid of Pain/Date that you Succeeded. In the first column, write down every painful situation/relationship that you have gone through in your lifetime. Try as hard as you can to remember as many of them as possible because it will help you maximize the success of the experiment. In the second column, write a “Yes” if it is still affecting you and a “No” if it is not affecting you anymore. In the third column, set a goal (time frame) for you to stop feeling all of the emotions that come from this situation. In the final column, write down the date that you succeeded in your goal of stopping the affects of the situation/relationship; this is helpful because you can reflect on it if you ever feel an emotion try to creep back into your mind.

"Ok Joel I wrote it all out but it hasn’t helped me feel different. What now?" Well now that you have all of the situations on paper, you have a visual of what affects you (your personality, mental state, health, etc.) on a daily basis and you can work towards stopping these affects. The first step is letting go of the situation and the feelings that come along with it. This is a very difficult step, but it is the most rewarding as well. I understand that sometimes the situation may be very painful and it may hurt you to reflect on it. You have to face the situation and move on or it will overpower you for the rest of your life. There are various ways to get past this first step: Many friends have used me as a sponge that absorbed every word and every feeling from a painful situation by just talking to me about it and letting everything go. Find someone that you trust or, more importantly, someone that will not be judgmental or bias against you and let it all go (words, feelings, tears, etc.). Once you do that, you will feel “lighter” because much of the weight of the situation has been lifted off of your shoulders. It is understandable if you do not feel comfortable doing that, therefore the next best thing would be writing it out. Write until your hands get tired and take out all of your pain on the paper/keyboard. Just like the conversation, you have to let it all go until you feel “lighter.” Then just print out the paper, and dispose of it (burn it, shred it, etc.). Once that part is done, you will probably be able to go back to the sheet you created and see that you accomplished a goal. If you are still being affected, the next step would be to write a letter to the person that created the situation. Write a formal letter and write down what you are feeling because of the situation/relationship that you went through. Once you write that, do a chart that shows the positive times and the negative times in the relationship. Next to the negative times, write down all of the feelings that you felt. Next to the positive times, write down the feelings that you felt. In the final part of the paper, write about the positive times in the situation/relationship and how good you felt through them. Finally end with these words: “I have been holding onto this situation/relationship for (amount of time) and have let it run my life because I was not able to accept it and move on. I now see that I learned many things from it and became a much better person because of it. I thank you very much for the lessons that I have learned and I truly forgive you for it.” Once you finish the letter, reflect on it and make sure that you are fully satisfied and ready to forgive and move on. Once you are you can go back to the sheet and see that you accomplished your goals.

Try this experiment out and watch how much better you will feel afterwards. You will learn to move away from the past and live in the present moment. Watch how positive your life, and everything around you, becomes afterwards. I challenge you to change your life for the better and gain some positivity from this experience. Remember to leave your comments and insight on the ways that you were positively affected by the challenge. Your successful accomplishments will motivate everyone else to do the same. Like always, I am always just a “Send Message” click away if you need me. Live life to its fullest, one day at a time!

The "Glass Ceiling" Challenge

“Stop looking at what you ain’t got and start being thankful for what you do got!” – Live Your Life by T.I.

Why do we envy people who are successful? There are many times where we look at the “fortunes” of other individuals and become frustrated at the fact that we do not have as much as other people. We live this life complaining about our misfortunes and our “bad luck” while also talking down on individuals that we encounter on an everyday basis. Read these questions and actually reflect and see when the last time that you asked or said such a thing was: A.) Look at the way (entertainer/actress/television personality) is dressed. Doesn’t he/she notice how ugly they look wearing that? B.) Why did he/she get that promotion instead of me? They were probably kissing up to the boss or talking bad about me to the higher-ups. I can’t stand him/her! C.) Nothing good ever happens to me! Why is it that all the good things always happen to the bad people?

Many people have thought these questions internally or different variations of it. They do not understand that these envious thoughts will never allow you to be successful in life. You will be angry at the world around you because you are never given what “you deserve.” I would personally like to issue a challenge to each and every person who has the opportunity to partake in it: Try to look at your life in a different perspective (for at least one day). Stop complaining about how bad your life or situation is at this moment. Stop worrying about the “fortunes” that every other person has and start caring about yourself. Throughout the day, look at yourself (every action, every word, every expression that you use) as if you were narrating your own story. Have something available to jot down how you react to everything that you come in contact with as soon as it happens; be it a traffic jam, the wind blowing in your face, someone else showing excitement or grief over a certain situation. At the end of the day, review your notes and analyze your responses (negative and positive) to each situation. This will help you realize that there are many situations, big or small, that you respond negatively to. Once you realize this, the only thing left to do is work on minimizing the negative responses and maximizing the positive responses.

I would hope that every one of you would try this, but I do understand that you have to be personally motivated to do so. The reason I am asking you to do this is because I can feel the pain and agony in most of your souls that cries out for success and happiness. I do believe that it can be the first step into receiving all of the “fortunes” that are available to you. I would also like to emphasize the fact that the “fortunes” I speak about are in quotations because I am not talking about billions of dollars, even though I know that most of you will be able to attain a grand amount of monetary wealth through positive motivation. “Fortune” for one person is not the same for another; some will feel satisfied and accomplished by a loving family, others by traveling throughout the world. I believe that you will achieve your “fortunes” (whatever it may mean to you) once you truly take the time out to find yourself and your purpose in life. Remember to leave your comments and insight on the ways that you were positively affected by the challenge. Your successful accomplishments will motivate everyone else to do the same. Like always, I am always just a “Send Message” click away if you need me. Live life to its fullest, one day at a time!

Why are we So Serious?

I watched the movie “The Dark Knight” this past weekend and saw it in a different light than many people may have seen it.  It made me look into myself and wonder the exact question asked by the Joker, “Why So Serious?”  Why is it that we are so serious on a daily basis?  Why do we get angry about every little situation that occurs?  Why do we let our worries and concerns consume our lives and affect the way that we live?  I can honestly say that I do not have the answer for the reasons behind these feelings in everyone else, but within myself I realized that these feelings ran my life because I let it get to me.  I would like to share it with you to see if anyone can relate and to motivate others to move away from these unnecessary feelings. 

I continuously stressed about work and money; I always told myself “What am I going to do if I lose this job?  I can’t lose this job because I won’t have enough money to support my family.  I worked so hard to get everything that I have and don’t want to go back to having nothing!”  I felt like I would lose my life if I would ever lose the job I had.  I took everything seriously and lost my humorous, down-to-earth self.  I let my feelings and possessions consume me instead of just living my life and enjoying each moment as it went by.  This led to sour relationships, turmoil within family members, destroyed friendships and business opportunities.  My feelings created a wall that blocked any inner peace or happiness from entering.  I felt trapped and suffocated to a point where I was so stressed out and had a panic attack.  I thought to myself, “There has to be a way out.  Someday I am going to get out of this mess and be a true success in life.”  I had a “plan” to escape the pain of the lower-class/stressed filled structure that I was stuck in for most of my life.  I thought that I could escape the structure by making a lot of money and having many items (e.g., clothes, shoes, and electronics).  I never actually realized that this “plan” was created by my feelings like concern and fear that I would never have enough to support myself and later on, my children.  Of course, the “plan” never came true and I was stuck with the same fears that had never actually gone away.  This brought with it stress and anxiety, which is actually negative energy, that caused me to get sick and end up with high cholesterol and other medical issues.

Around this time last year I was in, most likely, the worst possible situation that I could ever be in.  I had the issue with my cholesterol, severe bronchitis (on the verge of becoming pneumonia), I was filled with stress and anxiety (which felt like I was carrying Mt. Everest on my back), and had lost a new job with Verizon.  I was an unemployed father of a 7 month old, with another kid on the way, who did not know what the future had in store.  I could not find a job because of the Recession (which was allegedly not going on at the time) and had to take unemployment for the time being.  In the following weeks something came over me and the feelings that were running my life began to disappear little by little.  I would have to give much credit to my daughter for this shift in my attitude towards life because she helped me live in the Now.  Through her I realized that I have to appreciate every second as if it is my last and I began to realize that I have to live in the present moment and not worry about the past or the future.  I realized that the only way to make a meaningful future, for myself and everyone around me, would be to live every moment as it comes to you.  What I am trying to say is that you have to stop stressing, being angry, or worrying about every little detail and just enjoy your life as it comes to you.

I felt that I should share this insight with each and every one of the people who I come in contact with every day.  I feel motivated by your appreciation and energy; and hope that this has motivated you in some way to move away from the “Serious” mentality and begin to enjoy life as you live it (in the present moment).  I also felt motivation from an individual that I strongly care about (hopefully it touches many more) who is going through these feelings now and has to deal with the stresses that supposedly have to occur in our lives.  Understand that all will be good as long as you live in the Now and stop worrying about the future.  The future is what you make it and will continue to be stressful as long as that it was drives your present moments.  Remember to leave your comments and insight to the topic because WE motivate each other and move on another into a more conscious state of mind.  Like always, I am always around if you need me.  Live life to its fullest, one day at a time!

What Motivates You?

**This is my first, of many, installments in a series of writings aimed to motivate each and every one of you out there (including myself). A special thank you to everyone who I have ever interacted with in this journey that I call life. This opportunity would never be possible without you all. I will be waiting to hear feedback in order to create more strong and positive discussions. Understand that whenever you need someone to just listen to your concerns, without judgment, bias, or repercussions, I am always around! Live healthy, happy, and respectful to everyone, most importantly yourself!**

Ask this question to many young Americans and what will the response be: “MONEY!” But why is this? Why do we only care about money and buying the “newest things out?” Money is necessary in life to pay for a roof over your head, the clothes on your back, and food on your table. The rest are just products that are not really necessary for you to live your life and be happy. I am not saying that it is wrong to buy other products only that they are not necessary for you to truly be happy and successful. I had a powerful and passionate discussion with some co-workers and heard many exclusive comments that only included those who believed that money was necessary and the reason for happiness in this world. I felt this would be a great opportunity to give some insight on my opinions. I say this because whenever I talk to someone in person about my opinions, all I hear is “You can’t think like that!” or “You are such a liar! You have to have these feelings and you have to want money!”

The discussion began when one co-worker stated her stressed out state of mind because of her debt. As I heard her complaints, the only thing that I could sense was the fact that she created this debt through purchasing items that she “needed” (e.g., shoes, clothes, jewelry). The discussion then turned into a bashing of my particular views and the fact that I believe that your life does not have to revolve around money. I explained to her that money does not make you, it does not justify who you are. The response that I received was: “Yes it does because if you don’t have money, nice clothes, or a nice car, no girl will want to be with you!” Now most of you know me and one thing that you all know is that I have none of the above. I am a 24 year old, average looking, father of two who has been loved and appreciated because of who I am and not what I have. Therefore, that statement is not valid; it does not portray every person on this earth.

With that said, we come to the message that I want to get across: Money is not a motivator; it should not be your main focus in life. Living your entire life chasing the “Almighty Dollar,” worrying about having enough money, building a vicious cycle of debt will never bring you to true happiness and satisfaction. Worrying, stressing, anger, and all other feelings will keep the true motivator, you, hidden. You need to understand that the true answer to the question what motivates you is: Yourself!

I know what you are thinking: “Damn Joel you are full of s**t!” Do you really think that I do not know what I am talking about? I lived my childhood poor and never having the newest things out like everyone else. So when I finally started working all I cared about was the money and being able to have everything like the rest of my friends. I lived my life from the age of 16 through the age of 23 motivated by MONEY! Do you know what that brought me? Bills, stress, medical, emotional, financial, and relationship problems. Do you see happiness or tranquility in that list? After some great insight from a powerful mentor, I realized what the problem was; money was my substitute for happiness and love. I believed that I would be happy and others would love me as long as I always had money and items to prove it. The truth is that the love and happiness never came; I did not find true happiness until I looked inside myself.

I realized that the best way to motivate yourself is to first look inside yourself, find your true self, and then you will find the keys to happiness and success. Always believe that you can make of life what you want to; you can succeed in everything that you do if you believe this. Live life to its fullest, one day at a time.